Sadness is tearing apart your brain, your words.... You try to do anything that could kill time...but the reality is... "We kill time, but time buries us."
You look at yourself in the mirror and you get even more scared that you are. Heavy eyes, grey and sad, with all tears dried out... No need to drink, no need to eat. Food has no taste and you don't want energy, you just want to lay down and not feel. You don't wanna fall asleep, cause the nightmares are hunting you like lions hunt antelopes... You know, that you will wake up screaming and crying and there's no one to tell you "It's alright, it's a just a dream..."
You burn another cigarette and make another coffee hoping that another day will come faster and forgiveness with it.
You close your eyes and open them fast, memories are just to painful. But they come and go and are replaced by each other so fast... you get dizzy. You wanna scream but your lungs are too tired. You look at the window in the same way you did when you first arrived here... It's to easy and... appealing. So you try to read, but you just see empty pages... You turn on TV, and realise you see trough it... You turn on the radio... but you hear songs that are bringing back memories... same ones that you're trying to escape from... Thinking about finding a different radio station...but in the moment that your fingers are touching that silver little wheel... you stop. You don't wanna give up those hugs, smiles, thunders, rainbows, stars or satellites...
When you first arrived here and looked at the window you though there's no point. "No one deserves your tears"... What's different now? You realise that you are not being hurt, but you hurt someone else... You hurt the person that you care for. That "Special Someone" who means the whole world to you... How could you do it? You don't get it.... but you know you did it!
You always think of things and so many times you think that if you think of them is enough. Reality is... thinking is never enough. You did not mean it, but you've done it!
You want to feel better, to forget, but actually in the same time you know that being miserable, is what you know you deserve. Every action that you take is followed by a chain reaction.
Yeah, making mistakes in human, but you have to feel the way you do, so you can learn from them! That's what a person in his right state of mind, should do. Learn from his own mistakes and never repeat them.
It's easier to forget, but easy doesn't make it right!
When you are lost no one can save you, no religion, no belief, but yourself! Believe in yourself, in your own power but not always doubt those around you. You always knew that everything in life has risks involved, and even if your fragile, those moments of happiness are making you stronger....
Candlelight... Silence... Dark... Loneliness... Remorse... Memories... Smiles that seem to fade away... Pain that can not match physically.... Only a couple of thoughts running trough your mind... Missing.
Is there any rule that should guide us trough our entire lives?... To love. What you don't want to happen to you, never do to anyone else.
And always remember that words are more powerful than anything else in the world. Choose them wisely and don't keep your thoughts to your self. They might as well, not exist. You can never turn back time!
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