I thought a lot these day. I thought deeply than ever. Whats the purpose in life? Where are we going? What are we?...
Candles. Mantra music. Incense. Meditation. In search for light and positivity. A hard battle with yourself, especially when you are overwhelmed by emotions. Drawn in tears.
I know there are lot of people out there who don't wanna believe in light, vibrations, energy. It's a complicated way, a hard path and sometimes you have doubts if it's the best path to take. It's not like a religion, you just believe and never question. It's a lot of effort and work with yourself. But I believe is the only way to be closer to the idea of "living life", to be closer to "the light".
I have the capacity to feel changes when it comes to energy and vibrations. It can make me feel sick or great. I know and I realised that I am sensitive to Earth changes... they are influencing me. All of us have this capacity, but how many wanna listen to it? I'm not one those initiated people who can send light to another person in order to clear their thoughts and feelings. I wish that one day I will be able to do that. But... thanks to a great friend, I learned a couple of tricks which I can use to change my vibrations. It's dam hard, and I probably succeeded in maybe 50% of the cases, that's a different story. Everything is hard until you proper learn how to do it. You have to want, first of all. You have to clear your mind and keep your path.
I was lying on the floor for a couple of hours, listening to mantra music and trying to listen to my senses... Trying to push out of me the negativity and fill myself with light and positive thoughts. Trying to learn how to control my thoughts. My mind. It's so dam difficult to just empty your mind. Usually I manage to it. These days was something untouchable.
The floor did not work to good, as soon as I got up, I started to cry and think again...
So... what a troubled mind like mine will think to do next?
I'll tell you... "Go out, in the closest park. Find a piece of soil. Take off your shoes and try again." There's no point to tell how people walking their dogs looked at me.... "She's crazy, I tell you!" but anyway... Took my phone with me, for music and started all over again. And I started to feel better. I even had a revelation. "What if I adopt a cat?"
I love cats since I know myself. Sometimes I even think I was one, in some other life. Plus... cats are a incredible source of good energy... Actually they absorb the bad one. If you have a cat and likes to sit in some particular place in the house, don't bother her. That corner if filled with negativity. You can call them a mobile Feng-Shui device.
I need another soul around me. My state of mind is dependable on affection. All of us are. And since I'm having problems relating with humans... A cat will do. I would like to find that inner peace and be better with those around me, but somehow I always manage to fuck up. I still am afraid of people. I'm pushing away those I would love to have around me forever, even if I don't want that. And I know I can control that. But I have to learn to do it better. I have to be the light in order to give light.
Love is the light!
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