Every time you think everything is going to beautiful horizons, whenever you feel like everything goes for the better, whenever you think you're OK, SHE has to come and FUCK YOU UP AGAIN! That's just THE LIFE! Isn't it???
You wake up one morning, prepare your coffee, get breakfast, then you move on to the computer, and suddenly you remember that you did not open your mobile ... you feel something, but do not know exactly why or what. You open your mobile and find ... a few missed calls ... From home, from your mother... Your heart starts to beat so fast, that you don't need coffee anymore. You call your mother but SHE does not answer. You stone your brain with whatever you can find...cigarettes, coffee, stupid e-mails... Nothing has relevance untill SHE's answering your calls.
The phone rings and your heart is beating in your throat. You look at the mobile phone, you recognize the ring tone... It is SHE! but still, you avoid to answer...You know something is terrible wrong... You answer... you can hear her voice down, feel her tears... her fear. She manages to whisper something about hospital... You forget about coffee, shower, e-mails, breakfast... and just wish that you had opened that dam mobile phone earlier. You ran to the Hospital. You're scared, becouse SHE is your mother, and you love her, and you would KILL FOR HER!... The doctors are stuttering, but you manage to understand something about liver spots, cysts, fibroids, kidney stones, surgery, bad luck .... loss of kidney function, kidney attaint .... dangerous operation on the same place that caused so many problems in the past... Your heart is beating hard, so hard that you feel like you want to take it out of your chest! You can not breathe! You are telling to yourself: "FUCK THIS!THIS is not true! It will be OK!"...But even you don't believe that... You try to look like you do...
You keep your head up, you comfort HER... You hold HER hand and tell HER that everything is going to be alright... You look like a stone, confident, you don't show a tear... SHE doesn't need this! SHE needs for you to be strong! And you show to HER that you are... BUT inside, you're breaking down like a glass in tiny pieces... You go home, for a while... and colapse and cry for a couple of hours, because you know that SHE is weak, SHE is scared... and that is frighten as hell...
Now, you look at HER sleeping... It's almost midnight and you can't fall asleep because you think SHE may need a cup of water, or whatever else, but SHE sleeps like an angel... and you write this story on your laptop... your blog.
And you wish to talk to someone... To have a soul that you could share your feeling with... To have a shoulder to cry on... But you're alone... and you have to deal with this! And... you will... somehow...
>:d<
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