BIIIP! Wrong answer!

Things are not going to well, from any point of view I would look at. I do admit it, things are going from bad to worse!
I woke up, FINALLY!, after quite a couple of months. Someone was there to tell me, continuous, that I HAVE to wake up! URGENT! Every time I said YES, I AM. I WILL, like i used to do when granny was trying to wake me up for school.... Bleah! Do I have to wake up??? But why? 5 more minutes, pleeeease! Numerous time, I've been told I'm gonna get burned. Like an idiotic child that I can be sometimes, didn't listen. Not close enough. Not good enough. An entire Telenovela developed... those "little" things that we name... "dramas". Stupid things that shouldn't even exist, they cause so much fucking trouble. They're like the dam particles in a very very very small sand glass.
All what was said it was in my brain like oil on top of water. It was burning my head and became dizzy. The dizziness was actually caused by the fact that my dam period just HAD to come, to make eeeeevrything better. But still, an ugly feeling. Very ugly. And if someone so much dares to tell me that truth does not hurt, I will.... I will tell that person some truth.
Aaaanyway, here I was: an ugly morning, painfully morning in which I manage to get out of bed, and went to think again at everything... on our most "comfortable chair"... My cat, of course, if I am somewhere in the house, she's there (I sometimes even wonder if she's a cat?), was looking at me, being extremely comfortable in the bathroom SINK! Words, facts... everything was spinning in my brain like a washing machine during the draining cycle. Went to wash my hands, face, teeth - normal stuff that normal people do in the morning - of course after I picked up and moved my cat out of the way. She landed on top of the washing machine and just keep staring at me. I turned around and as I was sitting on top of sink, sinking in my own thoughts, I lifted my look and... saw a pair of very grey, tired and faded eyes... I jumped. I stepped back a little bit, and quickly looked behind me. I was thinking, WHO THE HELL AND HOW DID ENTER INTO MY HOUSE???
The cat gave a very strange look - something similar to " ARE YOU NUTS?" - jumped from the top of the washing machine and gave me an very ugly "meow" while she was leaving the bathroom.

- OK, OK, I got you! and started to stare back in the mirror... It was shocking. WHO THE HELL ARE YOU AND WHAT YOU DID WITH ME????

I don't know if anyone had this feeling. That you look at yourself and can not recognize anything you see. Imagine how others look at you and don't get WHO THE HELL ARE YOU? And you still wonder why everything had changed??? Hmmm....

OK. The physical changes I know them. Lost weight, looking like crap - those are the results of consuming myself into "self pity", crying like a hypocrite without understanding anything. At least three times more cigarettes and coffee...no food. I HATE to eat alone, I just hate it! When they are sad some women stuff themselves with chocolate to regain that lost quantity of endorphin, I just can't eat anything. Nothing has taste.Nothing what so ever. What I could not understand was that pair of grey eyes - red and tired with dark rings, wrinkles, lack of any sort of light...

When you are asleep for some time, a couple of months in my case, you should be prepared for some serious changes in absolutely everything that surrounds you. But you can not be prepared. Why? Because when you are in that "state of mind", you think everything is normal, or should be normal according to your "dream".
I got sick for the same disease as everyone else here, SOMNAMBULISM or SLEEP WALKING. Being asleep day and night, doing absolutely nothing else than a "comfortable routine".
What we don't realize when we are that sort of "walking bodies" is how much harm we do. To those close to us, to everybody around us, to any sort of relation with anyone, not to mention how much HARM WE DO TO OURSELVES.
We fall asleep and get comfortable in a illusion, in which we don't think or question anything. We are just reacting if is convenient for us. Accept things as they are and be comfortable. We became controlled by that "inner beast" that we struggle so much to keep under control, under normal circumstances.

And let me tell you that waking up, is so fucking PAINFUL not to mention HARD to achieve. It's unbelievable, unreal what you see. You have the impression that you're in a nightmare that doesn't end but it gets longer and more horrifying by the minute. And because you were asleep for so long, you became so so slow in everything. It's something similar to atrophying muscles. In some cases, it might be already to late to do something about it.

So, here I am trying to figure out how to heal those muscles!

It took me ten times more than usual to see a dam mistake. Ten times longer to see something suspicious, and I only saw it because somebody helped me to. I feel like a bloody handicapped child. I can't see the meaning in a question. I can't see sarcasm... I cry at a joke??? FOR FUCK SAKE....Me??? So, gotta engage brain to exercise, now, or... well... don't wanna be like this for life.

So here I am, writing, taking me three times more than usual to use the right words. To tie a word to another.

Gotta go back to basics, USE IT OR YOU LOSE IT!

Three times longer is better than ten times longer, BUT NOT GOOD ENOUGH!