Days without purpose

“It hurts to let go. Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of criminal for having felt, for having wanted. For having wanted to be wanted. It confuses you, because you think that your feelings were wrong and it makes you feel so small because it's so hard to keep it inside when you let it out and it doesn't coma back. You're left so alone that you can't explain. Damn, there's nothing like that, is there? I've been there and you have too. You're nodding your head.”

Sometimes letting go is the only good thing that you can do. It's never is easy on you. It's the hardest and the most bitter part of your life, but at the end of your suffering you will see that any other attempt of doing anything else, would have fail. Sometimes self sacrifice is better that you can imagine. 

Why try to keep someone close to you, when that someone only wants to be some place else??? It makes you both miserable and life goes by without any meaning. That is not love, that is selfishness. 

Sometimes it's better to suffer now,rather than waking up one morning old and alone, even if that someone is sleeping next to you. If you get to that point it means you not only wasted your life, but also the life of that someone next to you. And in most cases someone being next to you, doesn't necessarily means you're together. 

It's scary. It's not hard but it's the harder thing to do. Prepare yourself for sleepless nights, for food without taste, drink without the ability to kill your thirst. Prepare yourself for loneliness and pain. For fears and tears. For memories that will invade your brain and you will be unable to chase them away.... You will feel empty, consumed, angry, insecure, alone, hurt, broken in thousands of pieces, without purpose, sad.... But all of those will eventually pass... and after all is over, you will feel the touch of freedom, because you did something good for someone else and for you. For that someone that you still love. If it is love, that feeling of missing will never disappear. The love will not go away, but you will learn to accept them as part of you. You will learn to live with them.

“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” 

“There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.”