It's NOW or NEVER!

Thoughts, sadness, anger.... Yes, I always write what I feel. It helps me.
Some people read, some don't. Some care, some find their own answers.
This is how after a Hell lot of years I had a chat with, let's say, someone that I know since the time of sweet high school.Yeah! Those times when I was living in the same house with my mother and I was willing to do anything to just, get away from home.
I started to remember how I used to be.
That REBEL kiddo' jumping off the window to go places and do things. Mountains or sea side, didn't really matter as long I was feeling the wind through my hair. I was madly in love with adventure.
I remember places. Music. Camping in the heart of the mountains, chilly nights, starry nights..... and a whole lot more. I remember skipping school just run away, just to go to "the pub" to write. I even remember some of my poems.
"The rock chick", the rebel that used to say FUCK OFF, this is my life and I wanna live it! The one that took her own decisions and didn't care too much about a broken heart, but moved on. The one that had the courage to say : ENOUGH when I considered it.

Years passed by, and slowly I started to forget that spirit. I started to forget the feeling of being FREE. I started to forget that I have a "pair of wings". I broken them in time. No one asked me to do it, but somehow I did it.
Even if now I'm accused of thinking only at myself, I stopped doing that long time ago. I became waaaay to DOMESTIC and "killing" me did nothing than make people wonder : WHO AM I????
Looking at all those, I blame no one, but me. No one asked me to do nothing for me and I do not think anyone had ever aspect it either. I lost myself. I lost my courage, my independence, my aggression, my freedom. And I did it to myself. I hung myself to feelings and forgot to also use my rationality. I thought that I do not need ME as long as I have HIM. I had dig my own hole.

Now the biggest challenge is.... HOW THE FUCK I'M GETTING ME BACK???

Sure as Hell I have to stop doing the things that I am doing now. Most of them, anyway. I looked at the wrong angles and was to afraid that, yes, doing that or that, will make me lose him, but no matter what I tried to do, I didn't got me back. And we both wanted that.

I became what I thought the man next to me will like to have and forgot my own personality on the way. I forgot was he liked in the 1st place.

I never needed anyone to make decisions for me or take care of me. I always learned my way without anybody else showing it to me. And because someone did, I, yes, admit it, became LAZY.

I used to be the joy of those around me, I became waaaaay to god'dam domestic. ENOUGH!!!

“I'm a little selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.”